I Give Up!

God has really been working on me. It seems that I have a little power struggle going on and He is trying to show me that I don't need to take care of everything on my own. It seems like when things in my life start to pile up that's when I have the hardest time letting go. I readily admit to being the kind of person who will do things myself before letting someone else just so they get done the way I want them to. This characteristic isn't always beneficial when all these things I'm doing on my own start to fall apart.

Recently my stress level has been a bit on the high side and so I have really been playing tug of war with God. After all, these are my problems and my responsibilities so I will just take care of them myself! Right? Umm . . . NO! Why can't I just say, "Okay, I give up! You can have it. All of it and I don't want to be responsible for it anymore."

If you've been in my place, you understand the difficulty of letting go. It's hard and at times painful to trust that the Savior is going to do what is best for us. That sounds ridiculous because He is God and, of course, he's going to take care of us. But how many of us will hold on to something because it feels safer to hold on than to have the faith to let go?

In Matthew 14:26-27 the disciples were in their boat fighting some strong winds and rain when they see Jesus coming towards them, walking on water. The scripture says they were terrified and thought it was a ghost. Jesus says to them "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid."

Then Peter says to Jesus, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to you on the water." (vs. 28) Jesus did just as Peter requested and Peter began his trek across the stormy, wind-tossed water. He was actually walking on water! Wow! If only the story ended there. However, Peter lets fear take over and begins to sink. In his desperation he cries out, "Lord, save me!"

The passage concludes with, "Immediately, Jesus stretched out his hand and took hold of him, and said to him, 'You of little faith, why did you doubt?' When they got into the boat, the wind stopped. And those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'You are certainly God's Son.'" (vs. 31-33)

I see much of myself in the humanity of Peter. It's almost like I sometimes take my problems to Jesus and say, "If you are who you say you are then take all of these trials and struggles from me and show me how I'm supposed to survive this." It sounds really arrogant and I think sometimes that is how I approach my Savior. The crazy part is that Jesus does just what I request and gladly takes my trials and struggles and daily gives me the measure of grace to survive.

This is where my humanity really steps in, and like Peter I start to become distracted by the wind and waves that are surrounding me. My arrogance starts to falter and I begin to truly feel my weakness when I finally reach the point that I have to cry out, "Lord, save me." At this point Jesus takes my hand and says "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" When I hear him say this it is not in a voice of anger or condescension, but from a heart of love. Firm and gentle, yet powerful enough to calm the wind and waves that surround me. This is when I can truly worship and in my heart say to the Lord, "You are certainly God's Son."

The process of letting go and leaving things in the hands of the Lord is not easy and is often times a little painful. After all, having to humble ourselves is not something that comes naturally. Humility and brokenness, although difficult, can give us an unexplainable sense of peace and true freedom to worship the Son of God.

I know these things to be true because I reached that point of brokenness and humility just within the past few days. It wasn't without pain and the battle is certainly not over as I'm sure I will fight these winds and waves again. But my prayer is that the next time I find myself walking toward the Savior I will keep my focus on his outstretched hand and trust him to see me through the storm.

I want to share with you a song that is becoming very special to me. The lyrics are so powerful and remind me that there is no better place to be than in the arms of Jesus.

In Your Arms

By Meredith Andrews

I'm turning the world off

Embracing the silence

Walking away from all the voices

That are screaming in my ear

I've been too caught up

I've been so stressed out

All of the noise replaced the whisper

That used to be so clear

So I close every door

And put my face back on the floor

(Chorus)

And I'm in Your arms

Where I belong

There's no other place for me

Than right where you are

Some things just don't change

When I call Your name

You never hesitate to wrap me in endless grace

When I'm in Your arms

I'm letting my fears go

Giving You control

For you are the One who holds me closer

In my soul's darkest night

Everything I see

Is so temporary

So help me to run the race before me

With eternity in sight

So I close every door

And put my face back on the floor

(Chorus)

To sit at Your feet

At Your table of mercy

To gaze on Your beauty, my Lord

To drink from Your well

And be changed by Your glory

How could I ask for more

Jesus, how could I ask for more

(Chorus)

Simple Joy

Recently I found myself thinking about the small things in my life that bring me joy. Don't get me wrong, this was not some deep moment where I was "pondering the little things in my life" and "contemplating how they have made me the person I am today" (by the way, the quotes were said in a very snooty tone - you can re-read them that way if you would like.) Anyway, I was just thinking about things that make me happy and put a smile on my face. I decided that it would be fun to write a list and just see what I can come up with. Enjoy!

Dr. Pepper - Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I love a good Dr. Pepper. Preferably from a fountain over ice. I will drink it from a can if it's cold or from a 2 liter over ice, but my favorite is the fountain. I know I'm rather picky with my drink selection, but this is my list so I can be that way. OH! Absolutely no Mr. Pibb!! You might say it tastes the same, but ask any true Dr. Pepper drinker and they will agree with me that DP is the only way to go!!

Haribo Gummi Bears, Skittles, Hot Tamales, Milk Duds, etc., etc. - I love sweets! It's that simple. Did you notice what all of these sweets have in common? That's right! They are all chewy. So, I not only love sweets, but I love chewy sweets. Chewy sweets and braces don't mix so you can imagine how excited I was to get my braces off last September. My sweet tooth did a little happy dance!! (Okay, that was a little corny. And now I have a vision in my head of some goofy elementary school health video starring a dancing tooth.)

Hobby Lobby - Just those words make me smile. I could spend lots of time just wandering around and looking at everything. I also love that they have a 40% off coupon every other week. Oh the joy of feeling like you're getting a real bargain! I also can't go in for just one thing. I have to make a swoop through the whole store. It's one of my happy places!

Text Messages - It makes me happy when my phone makes that little sound that notifies me of a text message. It makes me even happier when it's from someone who was thinking of me and just decided to say hi. I should send more text messages like that. Maybe my message will make someone's day as much as their messages make mine.

Books - Books make me happy. I love to read and have that feeling like I have become a part of someone else's world. I don't like books that are too deep or make you think too much because for me reading is for enjoyment. (That makes me sound kind of shallow. HA!) I also love children's books and use them frequently in my classroom. I can vividly remember all of my school libraries and I remember being so excited when we had the book fair. I haven't change much I guess because I still love the book fair!

Comfy Clothes - I am not fru-fru or fancy by any means so it's not much of a surprise that I love comfy clothes. Being able to come home and change into my favorite sweats and a t-shirt is pure happiness. It's like the stress of my day goes away when I trade my work clothes for something more comfortable. And any of my teacher friends can testify to the fact that jeans day is a happy day! For some reason it just makes Fridays more bearable.

School/Office Supplies - It could be something as simple as a new roll of tape or as big as a new computer, but for some reason school and office supplies have always made me happy. I think when I was young it made me feel grown up and important to have new school supplies. Now when I get new supplies it makes me feel like I have a fresh start on something. It's the reason I get a new notebook or new fancy file folders at the beginning of every school year. I always have grand plans of using the fabulous new supplies to keep myself ridiculously organized. But who am I kidding?? I am not and will probably never be ridiculously organized. However, I will have the most fabulous disorganization system you've ever seen. Bring on the sticky notes!!

Well, that's a brief list of some things that bring me joy and maybe you can relate to some of them. While writing this and thinking of these silly things that make me smile I thought of something that isn't quite so tangible, but it is something that definitely brings me joy. 

Quiet - I love to talk and laugh and sing, but at times the thing that makes me the happiest is just being quiet. There is something to be said for simply being still. We have a large framed print of Psalm 46:10 - "Be still and know that I am God" that has hung in our house for years. There have been times that it has just become a piece of artwork in our home. However, there are moments when it draws me back to where my mind and heart need to be. In the quiet I find myself still and safe in the arms of God. In these times He speaks to me and gives me peace. He changes my heart and guides my path. He heals my wounds and gives me the strength to get up and keep going. How I long for that quiet in a world that seems to have forgotten that it is okay to be still.

When I graduated from high school I got a purple Pontiac Sunbird. It was a beautiful car and I was so excited that it was mine. I was going to college at OBU and would drive to Seminole, where my parents lived, for church. It was about a thirty minute drive and after four years I had learned that inside that purple car was my prayer closet. It was my time to pray and talk to God (most of the time aloud), but it was also a wonderful chance to turn everything off and just let Him speak to me. In 2001 I got a new car and that was great, but letting that purple car go was hard because of the precious time spent with my Savior within it's doors. There are days when I long for the solitude I felt while driving those back roads between Seminole and OBU. Life is a little crazier now so it seems hard to find that time, but when I make the effort to just be still, I always feel the presence of the Lord.

I believe that God wants us to have joy and happiness in our lives even in little things like Dr. Pepper, text messages, and comfy clothes. We must remember to keep things in perspective though. My prayer for each of us is that in the midst of enjoying those little things we don't miss an opportunity to enjoy the quiet and simply be still. May you feel safe and loved in the arms of your Savior.