Memories Set to Music

"Music is forever; music should grow and mature with you, following you right on up until you die." ~Paul Simon

Isn't that a great quote? I like the word picture of music growing and maturing and following me through life. As I look back through my life I can hear the music that has followed me and each song is attached to a memory or special time in my life. I also like what Tennessee Williams said:

"In memory everything seems to happen to music."

It's like our memories are set to some fabulous soundtrack. So what is your soundtrack? What songs do you attach to your memories? I thought it would be fun to list some of the greatest hits on my memory soundtrack. (Feel free to read AND listen/watch or you can skip all the videos. I just got started and couldn't stop. It was so much fun!) Enjoy! 

"In His Time" - This is the first song I ever sang as a solo in church. I stood on the stage of FBC Guthrie and sang this precious song when I was about 5 years old. Dad was the minister of music at the time and I had to turn around and look at him once because I forgot the words. What a great memory . . . "Lord, my life to you I bring. May each song I have to sing be to you a lovely thing. In your time."

 "Rainbow Connection" - THIS is the song that I remember from elementary music (this and H-A-double L-O-W-double E-N spells Halloween). It must have had a huge impact for me to choose music education as my career. I can still see the classroom where we had music. The wood paneled walls, the folding chairs and the words to "Rainbow Connection" written on chart paper on the wall. Every time we went to music I wanted to sing that song. I'm sure that when we did I was "that" student who sang louder than everyone else!

"Lost In Your Eyes" - Okay, all you closet Debbie Gibson fans . . . come out, come out wherever you are! When I was in the 6th grade my family moved from Pryor to Grove and my 6th grade class at Lincoln Elementary got me the Debbie Gibson "Out of the Blue" cassette tape for a going away gift. I was thrilled! I could probably still sing most of the songs on that tape, but I will just share my favorite.

"The Right Stuff" - From Debbie Gibson to New Kids on the Block! Wow! Middle School must have been crazy. I hate to admit, but NKOTB was the first concert I ever went to. I was one of hundreds of screaming teeny-boppers who thought those guys were all that and a bag of chips! That memory should give me a new perspective on all my Justin Beiber fans at school. HA!

"El Shaddai" - Ahhh . . . Amy, dear, Amy. So many songs to choose from but I think I sang this one as much as any other when I was in the 9th and 10th grade. Of course, I probably didn't sing all the words correctly, but neither did anyone else so it didn't really matter. Some other favorites: Thy Word, Breath of Heaven, Baby Baby, etc. etc.

"In Heaven's Eyes" - Sandi Patty . . . her songs span at least a decade in my memory. This particular song was one I loved singing and would always imagine I sounded "just like Sandi." What an amazing instrument God gave her. I have so many favorites but here are just a few: Love in any Language, More Than Wonderful, We Shall Behold Him, etc. etc.

"Jesus Will Still Be There" - Point of Grace . . . I saw these girls when they were still calling themselves Say So. I probably still have the cassette tape somewhere. Nevertheless, they are an icon of my high school years. I sang this song many times and still think it is powerful. "When it looks like you've lost it all, and you haven't got a prayer, Jesus will still be there." This is just one of my many POG favorites including "This Day" which I sang at my high school graduation.

 "Softly and Tenderly" - Cynthia Clawson sang this one. It is so powerful! Mom thought I needed to sing this, so my senior year of high school I learned it and it soon became one of my "standards." I loved and still love to sing this song. "Come home, come home. Ye who are weary come home. Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling. Calling, oh sinner, come home."

"Shout to the Lord" - This song is kind of the anthem for my college years. It was during these years that I started to truly understand worship and what that looks like for me. My time at OBU was a huge blessing for me and I am so grateful that God gave me the experiences and memories that I have of those years. "Shout to the Lord, all the earth, let us sing. Power and majesty, praise to the king. Mountains bow down and the seas will roar at the sound of your name . . . "

"Crucified with Christ" - This Phillips, Craig and Dean song was the theme song for our cabin at Falls Creek one year (thank you Brent Hazelrigg) and it was so powerful. I can still remember being in the cabin for devotion time and hearing everyone singing these words with their whole heart. What a tremendous moving of God. "For I am crucified with Christ, not I but Christ that lives within me. His cross will never ask for more than I can give, for it's not my strength but his. There's no greater sacrifice for I am crucified with Christ and yet I live."

My college years were filled with music and I could go on forever listing songs and artists and memories from that era in my life. However, if I pause and think about one song that sticks with me and will forever bring a smile to my face, joy to my heart and tears to my eyes, I have to remember "A Gaelic Blessing" by John Rutter. The Chorale ended every concert with this piece. Every spring we would have an end-of-the-year party for the Chorale and it would always conclude with singing Gaelic Blessing one last time for the seniors. That is one of my greatest memories of all time.

"Who Am I" - Moving into my "young professional/single" years, I was an avid Watermark fan. This is one of my favorites but I could probably name at least ten more of their songs that would fall on the top of my list. "Who am I, that you would love me so gently. Who am I, that you would recognize my name. Who am I, that you would speak to me so softly. Conversation with the love Most High. Who am I?"

"How Could I Ask For More" - June 21, 2003 - One of the greatest days of my life. That is the day I became Mrs. Kevin Howze. Music was a big part of my wedding and I wanted it to be special. Well, I don't know how I pulled it off, but I surprised Kevin and sang this song to him during our wedding. I think he was pretty stunned and overwhelmed. Personally, I can't believe I was able to squeak it out without crying. I'm so glad I sang it. The words were so appropriate to how I felt then and even more today. "So many things I thought would bring me happiness. Some dreams that are realities today. Such an irony the things that mean the most to me are the memories I've made along the way . . . So thank you Lord, how could I ask for more?"

"When I Close My Eyes" - This piece written by Jim Papoulis is one I have done with my school honor choir several times. As a music teacher I obviously believe that music can reach people in a way that nothing else can. The explanation that Mr. Papoulis wrote to go with the song is very moving and I wanted to share it before sharing the song because in my job, I teach kids just like those that he is speaking of and they are the reason I do what I do.

"It seems to me now that we are all struggling with an increasing amount of negative influences in the lives of children. They are bombarded by information that ultimately erodes their sense of self. In the classroom, in the rehearsal hall, I have been fortunate to speak with children from diverse cultures and backgrounds. I have heard their songs and their silences, and what they have shared has made me clearly see that in order for a child to feel strength and to believe in themselves, it must come from within. 'When I close my eyes then I can see, and I am not afraid.'" - Jim Papoulis

(This is kind of a strange video, but it was the only one I could find that I thought sounded good.)

It's been an interesting journey, but hopefully you have enjoyed the musical ride. I could have included so many more songs but these are just a few to maybe get your wheels turning about what music your memories are set to. What is your soundtrack? It's actually kind of fun when you get started, but beware because it is hard to stop! So as I bring this post to a close I guess I must choose one last song on this musical journey. It was a hard choice, but I think this song sums it up nicely. It also helps me keep in perspective what is really important.

"The Stage is Bare" - This is probably not one of Sandi Patty's most well-known songs, but I think it is one of her most powerful. The image of standing on a stage with no one to hear you except the Heavenly Father just takes my breath away. "It was so easy to call you Lord when a thousand voices sang your praise. But there's no one to hear me now. So hear me now, be near me now." I spend so much of my life in front of people. That is the nature of my job and the talents that God has gifted me with, but if I ever reach a point when I forget that He is the only audience that matters I have lost perspective on all that is important. May my heart stay pure before Him and may my worship be for Him alone.

I pray that the soundtrack of your life brings happy memories, poignant moments and powerful worship for the one true God. Blessings to you all!

Music is what life sounds like.  ~Eric Olson

I Give Up!

God has really been working on me. It seems that I have a little power struggle going on and He is trying to show me that I don't need to take care of everything on my own. It seems like when things in my life start to pile up that's when I have the hardest time letting go. I readily admit to being the kind of person who will do things myself before letting someone else just so they get done the way I want them to. This characteristic isn't always beneficial when all these things I'm doing on my own start to fall apart.

Recently my stress level has been a bit on the high side and so I have really been playing tug of war with God. After all, these are my problems and my responsibilities so I will just take care of them myself! Right? Umm . . . NO! Why can't I just say, "Okay, I give up! You can have it. All of it and I don't want to be responsible for it anymore."

If you've been in my place, you understand the difficulty of letting go. It's hard and at times painful to trust that the Savior is going to do what is best for us. That sounds ridiculous because He is God and, of course, he's going to take care of us. But how many of us will hold on to something because it feels safer to hold on than to have the faith to let go?

In Matthew 14:26-27 the disciples were in their boat fighting some strong winds and rain when they see Jesus coming towards them, walking on water. The scripture says they were terrified and thought it was a ghost. Jesus says to them "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid."

Then Peter says to Jesus, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to you on the water." (vs. 28) Jesus did just as Peter requested and Peter began his trek across the stormy, wind-tossed water. He was actually walking on water! Wow! If only the story ended there. However, Peter lets fear take over and begins to sink. In his desperation he cries out, "Lord, save me!"

The passage concludes with, "Immediately, Jesus stretched out his hand and took hold of him, and said to him, 'You of little faith, why did you doubt?' When they got into the boat, the wind stopped. And those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'You are certainly God's Son.'" (vs. 31-33)

I see much of myself in the humanity of Peter. It's almost like I sometimes take my problems to Jesus and say, "If you are who you say you are then take all of these trials and struggles from me and show me how I'm supposed to survive this." It sounds really arrogant and I think sometimes that is how I approach my Savior. The crazy part is that Jesus does just what I request and gladly takes my trials and struggles and daily gives me the measure of grace to survive.

This is where my humanity really steps in, and like Peter I start to become distracted by the wind and waves that are surrounding me. My arrogance starts to falter and I begin to truly feel my weakness when I finally reach the point that I have to cry out, "Lord, save me." At this point Jesus takes my hand and says "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" When I hear him say this it is not in a voice of anger or condescension, but from a heart of love. Firm and gentle, yet powerful enough to calm the wind and waves that surround me. This is when I can truly worship and in my heart say to the Lord, "You are certainly God's Son."

The process of letting go and leaving things in the hands of the Lord is not easy and is often times a little painful. After all, having to humble ourselves is not something that comes naturally. Humility and brokenness, although difficult, can give us an unexplainable sense of peace and true freedom to worship the Son of God.

I know these things to be true because I reached that point of brokenness and humility just within the past few days. It wasn't without pain and the battle is certainly not over as I'm sure I will fight these winds and waves again. But my prayer is that the next time I find myself walking toward the Savior I will keep my focus on his outstretched hand and trust him to see me through the storm.

I want to share with you a song that is becoming very special to me. The lyrics are so powerful and remind me that there is no better place to be than in the arms of Jesus.

In Your Arms

By Meredith Andrews

I'm turning the world off

Embracing the silence

Walking away from all the voices

That are screaming in my ear

I've been too caught up

I've been so stressed out

All of the noise replaced the whisper

That used to be so clear

So I close every door

And put my face back on the floor

(Chorus)

And I'm in Your arms

Where I belong

There's no other place for me

Than right where you are

Some things just don't change

When I call Your name

You never hesitate to wrap me in endless grace

When I'm in Your arms

I'm letting my fears go

Giving You control

For you are the One who holds me closer

In my soul's darkest night

Everything I see

Is so temporary

So help me to run the race before me

With eternity in sight

So I close every door

And put my face back on the floor

(Chorus)

To sit at Your feet

At Your table of mercy

To gaze on Your beauty, my Lord

To drink from Your well

And be changed by Your glory

How could I ask for more

Jesus, how could I ask for more

(Chorus)

Simple Joy

Recently I found myself thinking about the small things in my life that bring me joy. Don't get me wrong, this was not some deep moment where I was "pondering the little things in my life" and "contemplating how they have made me the person I am today" (by the way, the quotes were said in a very snooty tone - you can re-read them that way if you would like.) Anyway, I was just thinking about things that make me happy and put a smile on my face. I decided that it would be fun to write a list and just see what I can come up with. Enjoy!

Dr. Pepper - Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I love a good Dr. Pepper. Preferably from a fountain over ice. I will drink it from a can if it's cold or from a 2 liter over ice, but my favorite is the fountain. I know I'm rather picky with my drink selection, but this is my list so I can be that way. OH! Absolutely no Mr. Pibb!! You might say it tastes the same, but ask any true Dr. Pepper drinker and they will agree with me that DP is the only way to go!!

Haribo Gummi Bears, Skittles, Hot Tamales, Milk Duds, etc., etc. - I love sweets! It's that simple. Did you notice what all of these sweets have in common? That's right! They are all chewy. So, I not only love sweets, but I love chewy sweets. Chewy sweets and braces don't mix so you can imagine how excited I was to get my braces off last September. My sweet tooth did a little happy dance!! (Okay, that was a little corny. And now I have a vision in my head of some goofy elementary school health video starring a dancing tooth.)

Hobby Lobby - Just those words make me smile. I could spend lots of time just wandering around and looking at everything. I also love that they have a 40% off coupon every other week. Oh the joy of feeling like you're getting a real bargain! I also can't go in for just one thing. I have to make a swoop through the whole store. It's one of my happy places!

Text Messages - It makes me happy when my phone makes that little sound that notifies me of a text message. It makes me even happier when it's from someone who was thinking of me and just decided to say hi. I should send more text messages like that. Maybe my message will make someone's day as much as their messages make mine.

Books - Books make me happy. I love to read and have that feeling like I have become a part of someone else's world. I don't like books that are too deep or make you think too much because for me reading is for enjoyment. (That makes me sound kind of shallow. HA!) I also love children's books and use them frequently in my classroom. I can vividly remember all of my school libraries and I remember being so excited when we had the book fair. I haven't change much I guess because I still love the book fair!

Comfy Clothes - I am not fru-fru or fancy by any means so it's not much of a surprise that I love comfy clothes. Being able to come home and change into my favorite sweats and a t-shirt is pure happiness. It's like the stress of my day goes away when I trade my work clothes for something more comfortable. And any of my teacher friends can testify to the fact that jeans day is a happy day! For some reason it just makes Fridays more bearable.

School/Office Supplies - It could be something as simple as a new roll of tape or as big as a new computer, but for some reason school and office supplies have always made me happy. I think when I was young it made me feel grown up and important to have new school supplies. Now when I get new supplies it makes me feel like I have a fresh start on something. It's the reason I get a new notebook or new fancy file folders at the beginning of every school year. I always have grand plans of using the fabulous new supplies to keep myself ridiculously organized. But who am I kidding?? I am not and will probably never be ridiculously organized. However, I will have the most fabulous disorganization system you've ever seen. Bring on the sticky notes!!

Well, that's a brief list of some things that bring me joy and maybe you can relate to some of them. While writing this and thinking of these silly things that make me smile I thought of something that isn't quite so tangible, but it is something that definitely brings me joy. 

Quiet - I love to talk and laugh and sing, but at times the thing that makes me the happiest is just being quiet. There is something to be said for simply being still. We have a large framed print of Psalm 46:10 - "Be still and know that I am God" that has hung in our house for years. There have been times that it has just become a piece of artwork in our home. However, there are moments when it draws me back to where my mind and heart need to be. In the quiet I find myself still and safe in the arms of God. In these times He speaks to me and gives me peace. He changes my heart and guides my path. He heals my wounds and gives me the strength to get up and keep going. How I long for that quiet in a world that seems to have forgotten that it is okay to be still.

When I graduated from high school I got a purple Pontiac Sunbird. It was a beautiful car and I was so excited that it was mine. I was going to college at OBU and would drive to Seminole, where my parents lived, for church. It was about a thirty minute drive and after four years I had learned that inside that purple car was my prayer closet. It was my time to pray and talk to God (most of the time aloud), but it was also a wonderful chance to turn everything off and just let Him speak to me. In 2001 I got a new car and that was great, but letting that purple car go was hard because of the precious time spent with my Savior within it's doors. There are days when I long for the solitude I felt while driving those back roads between Seminole and OBU. Life is a little crazier now so it seems hard to find that time, but when I make the effort to just be still, I always feel the presence of the Lord.

I believe that God wants us to have joy and happiness in our lives even in little things like Dr. Pepper, text messages, and comfy clothes. We must remember to keep things in perspective though. My prayer for each of us is that in the midst of enjoying those little things we don't miss an opportunity to enjoy the quiet and simply be still. May you feel safe and loved in the arms of your Savior.

A Heritage of Creativity

There are not many things that make me happier than being crafty and creative. There is just something about being able to take things that are plain, industrial, or old and turn them into something fabulous! I also love taking a variety of papers or fabrics and combining patterns that contrast and compliment to create something for your eyes to feast on.

Through the years as I have learned how to and enjoyed creating many things I have decided that it must be somewhat genetic. Of course, this is not scientifically proven (that I know of), but I certainly come from what I consider a heritage of creativity. My mom is extremely creative and talented and often doesn't give herself enough credit for her abilities. I often go seeking out her opinion or help when I'm stuck on a project and don't know how to keep going or what to do next. If I keep going back another generation I find my Mamaw and all of her talents and abilities as well.

Some of my favorite memories are of staying at my Mamaw and Papaw's house with my cousins during the summer. This gave me a front row seat for watching Mamaw's creativity in the back bedroom at the sewing machine, in the kitchen, or in the living room where she crochet many a pot holder and wash rag. We also spent lots of time putting together puzzles - I think that constitutes creativity!

I was convinced that my Mamaw could make anything when it came to the sewing machine. Dresses, shorts, shirts, pajamas, quilts, barbie clothes, pound puppies, cabbage patch dolls and my most favorite clown doll (which everyone thinks is creepy except my cousins who have their own clown dolls!) are a few of Mamaw's creations. I look around my parents' home and now my home and I see so many things that I cherish that at some point were touched by her hands.

I have tried over the years to ask her questions about things that she has made and to let her know how much I value the time and energy she put into such wonderful heirlooms. I hope she knows that she has always inspired me to not only create beautiful things, but to do it well. Mamaw's projects were as near to perfection as I have ever seen. She certainly has always paid attention to details. That's a pretty high standard to live up to, but I find myself being a perfectionist in this area of my life (as many of you know, I am not a perfectionist in any OTHER area of my life!). I guess I just want to make her proud - which I know she is. That fills my heart with joy!

I guess I'm pretty sentimental about these very special reminders of love from my Mamaw and I hope I never let myself forget that. Recently I was working on a quilt that I want to give to her and I stitched a big part of it wrong. As I was ripping out the seems I kept thinking, "All of these seams were sewn AND RIPPED OUT with love!" I'm certain she would have given that a big chuckle. Goodness knows, she has torn out many a seam over the years in an effort to express her love through something handmade. I am so glad I now have the desire to continue in this "heritage of creativity."

All of this thinking about creativity makes me think of the one and only Creator. What a heritage we have in that. We are all creations, formed in the image of God. No mistakes, no ripped out seams, just perfectly constructed beings formed with love by our heavenly Father. The Bible says that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Ps. 139:14). What an amazing work of art we all are. Praise God that he loves us that much.

So each time I use a crocheted pot holder, or curl up in my t-shirt quilt, or look at that crazy clown doll I will not only think of my Mamaw, but also of the Creator who made me in his image and gave me the ability to be creative.

Well, the sewing machine is calling my name and I think there is a bottle of mod podge around here somewhere . . . I just can't escape this craziness and I love every minute of it!

So go for it . . . grab some scissors or yarn or fabric and make something fun and unique - just like you!

When it rains . . .

 . . . it pours! And if that is the case, I feel like I am standing in a monsoon and I forgot my rain boots and umbrella!

I guess we all face times when we just want to throw our hands in the air and say "I give up already!" That's where I'm at and boy would it be nice to just be able to snap my fingers and get everything back to normal (whatever that is!). That's probably not going to happen though.

It is hard for me to keep in perspective that the things that I feel are storms in my life are like a light sprinkle in someone else's life. I have to guard myself against selfishness and forgetting the needs of those around me. It's not very easy though. Sometimes I just want to pout, stomp my feet and have a good cry!

I know that the Bible teaches that our Christian life will not be without trials or hard times. It does, however, encourage us to keep going, knowing that the pain will not last forever and that persevering through it will strengthen us for the rest of this journey we call life.

James 1:12 says:

"Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life." (The Message)

Life and more life . . . that sounds like a pretty good trade off for the trials that I face from day to day. Why would I want to throw in the towel when I have promises like this?

Many of you are probably familiar with the song "Blessings" by Laura Story. (If not, it's on my playlist at the bottom of the blog.) That song has become an anthem of sorts for me ever since I heard it. It seems that each time I am facing something new that isn't what I had pictured for myself, this song seems to speak to that exact need. I want to share the lyrics because they continue to resonate in my heart and mind when I think of trials that I face and the trials that I see my friends and family face each day.

Blessings (by Laura Story)

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering.

All the while, you hear each spoken need,

Yet love us way to much to give us lesser things.

Chorus:

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?

What if your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

are what it takes to know you're near?

What if trials of this life

are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, your voice to hear.

We cry in anger when we cannot feel you near.

We doubt your goodness. We doubt your love.

As if ever promise from Your Word is not enough.

And all the while You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe.

(Chorus)

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home.

It's not our home.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?

What if your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

are what it takes to know you're near?

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst

This world can't satisfy?

And what if the trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise?

I pray that as we all face trials in this life, that ultimately we would find "the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy." I also pray that we would go running into the arms of the only One who truly can satisfy our longings and carry us through the storm.

Love to you all and blessings as we walk this journey together.

Grateful

The past few days have been some of the hardest I have had to face and I must say that I am grateful. Not necessarily for the hardships, but for the people who unquestioningly and unselfishly stood in the gap and held me up when I couldn't stand on my own.

I wrote something about this in my post Braver, Stronger, Smarter. I said "I pray that Christ's power may be perfected in your weakness and that he will send you someone to help pick you up."

Little did I know that those words would ring true for me just one month later. God's grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in weakness. The power of Christ dwells in me.

I can honestly say that those words really didn't come to mind as I was sitting in the ER with Kevin on Monday wondering what was going on and if he was going to be okay. I was just scared and worried. I needed Christ's grace and power in the midst of my weakness. I believe he demonstrated that power and grace by surrounding me with family and friends who could be strong when I could not be.

To my "people" who stood in the gap, you know who you are and I cannot express enough how much you mean to me. Thank you for holding me up, letting me cry and helping me get to another day. I am blessed to have you in my life.

This is why I am grateful.

Off the Air

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable - if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise - dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you." Phillipians 4:8-9 (HCSB)

These words penned by Paul were what came to mind earlier this week after I wasted part of an afternoon and evening watching TV. Let me just stop right here and say that I have nothing against watching TV, nor do I think all shows are bad, I just have a few opinions and concerns that have been weighing rather heavily on me for a few days. So, here I go . . .

TV is one of my weaknesses and I have to admit that I go through phases of spending unreasonable amounts of time with a remote in my hand. Usually these phases happen when a new season of Dancing With the Stars or Biggest Loser begins, much to the chagrin of my husband. He's not a fan of reality TV shows. I, on the other hand, find myself quite fascinated by them.

So, the other day I turned on the TV and just began channel surfing to see what was on. I came across a show that I had started watching a couple of years ago but had stopped watching because I didn't agree with the direction that the show was going and the way they handled some morality issues. Anyway, back to this week. I saw that the show was on and thought I would watch for just a few minutes and see if I had missed anything. It didn't take long for me to get sucked in. I got even more excited when I realized it was a marathon and there were going to be like 4 more episodes in a row. Well, I sat there and watched every last one of those episodes even though I had the same thoughts about it that I had when I had watched the show previously. I had quite the internal battle going on in my head as I sat there and soaked up that garbage.

That evening as I got into bed I could only think of the verses from Philippians and how my TV watching venture for the day went against pretty much everything on Paul's list. True? Honorable? Just? Pure? Lovely? Commendable? Moral excellence and praise? I think not!

Needless to say, I felt quite convicted that I need to get a handle on my TV habits. It's amazing how easy it is to justify what I'm watching and to convince myself that it isn't having a negative impact on my thinking. However, I know that is just a lie because I have had times when I've been without TV and know how my thoughts and attitudes are different. In fact, when we moved recently we didn't hook the TV up for a month. It was truly a breath of fresh air!

So now I face the challenge of trying to resist the temptation to watch some of the not-so-wholesome shows that have been a part of my TV-watching repertoire. I know it won't be easy, but I'm certain that I can make a change.

I want to explain something. This post is not meant to condemn anyone for their choice of entertainment. This is an issue that has been a weakness for me and I just felt led to share it honestly with you. I do feel that there is an abundance of immorality and filth on TV and that we each need to exercise caution and self-control when choosing what we watch, but please don't take my words as criticism or condemnation.

I am going to end this post the same way it began and I pray that we will all heed Paul's advice.

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious, - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message)

Hard Days and Abundant Blessings

Today was hard!

That's all there is to it.

I don't really know what I expected it to be like, but giving someone else the keys to our first home was hard. In the grand scheme of things it's fantastic to have it over with and to move on from having two houses, but it was still . . . hard.

I find myself thinking about how insignificant this really is in comparison to what other people go and are going through. I mean, I should be thankful that I have one house, let alone TWO! And I am thankful, but, for me, right now, this is and has been extremely stressful and, well, hard. I don't know how else to say it (obviously!).

God has been good to us and I am grateful for how he has blessed our lives. I am most especially thankful for Kevin. He acts with wisdom and integrity, and he takes very seriously his responsibilities in providing for our family and being the head of our home. Words cannot express how grateful I am that God has given me such an amazing husband.

After we got finished today I was talking to my mom and she said something about appreciating our blessings when they come our way. That made me think about whether or not I do that. Not just when it comes to selling a house, but every day. Do I really appreciate or notice those little blessings that God sends my way? It's easy to notice the big ones, and even then I sometimes "forget" to be thankful and overlook where those blessings come from. In the craziness of my life, it would do me a world of good to just stop and look around at how truly blessed I am. I think the words to this hymn sum it up nicely. Feel free to sing along . . . 

"Count Your Blessings"
Johnson Oatman, Jr.

When upon life's billows your are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Refrain:
Count your blessings, name them one by one.
Count your blessings, see what God hath done.
Count your blessings, name them one by one.
Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly.
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Refrain

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold.
Count your many blessings - wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Refrain

So, amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all.
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

Count your blessings, name them one by one.
Count your blessings, see what God hath done.
Count your blessings, name them one by one.
Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

Thank you, Mr. Oatman, Jr. I couldn't have said it any better than that. So as I close this post I am pondering what blessings I should be counting today. Hopefully you will do the same and, as the song says, "you will keep singing as the days go by." (Of course, that's my favorite line in the song!)

"In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Long Road Home

I've decided that one of the hardest things I've ever done is sell a house. Between getting it ready to sell, hoping and praying that people will come look at it, getting an offer that fell apart, moving into a rent house NEXT DOOR to the house we have for sale, moving into our new house and getting another contract that looks very promising, this house selling stuff is no fun! It's exhausting and emotionally draining. Selling this house has been a challenge, but letting this house go, for me, has been just as challenging.

Almost 8 years ago I married my best friend and the love of my life. We built a house on Snake Drive (what a great street name, huh??) and there we began our life together. Lots of time, energy and decision making went into building that house and we were both so pleased and excited when it was completed and we got to move in. It took us a while to get things just right (that might have something to do with the fact that we didn't have bedroom or living room furniture until a few months after we moved in), but eventually it really started to feel like home.

Home . . . that's what it was. It was our home, not just our house.

I remember when we moved in and some of Kevin's Sunday school boys came to help us. We had pizza and watermelon on the driveway. A few weeks later we saw some unusual looking sprouts in the yard. We soon figured out that they were our watermelon seeds that had taken root. Wouldn't that have been interesting to have in the front yard! Not quite the landscaping we were going for!

I remember decorating for Christmas the first year we lived there. We had the perfect window to put a Christmas tree in front of. It was beautiful! And I got to put my ornaments on my very own tree which made it even more special.

I remember MANY hours of watching college football (which I quite enjoy!).

I remember breaking our brand new iron when I knocked it off the ironing board and then doing the exact same thing after Kevin got Target to replace it! After I broke the first one Kevin called home and when he asked what was wrong I said, "I'm mad because I broke the iron." He must have misunderstood because he replied, "You're mad so you broke the iron??" I said to him, "No, I'm mad BECAUSE I broke the iron." This is still one of our favorite stories to tell and a memory I have from our home.

I remember when Dixie became a part of our family and I instantly became a "dog person."

I remember getting our Johnny Johnson scripture picture that we hung above the fireplace. "Be still and know that I am God." I would often find myself reading those words and being grateful that we had that reminder as a focal point of our home.

I remember waiting for the baby ducks to start appearing on the pond each spring. It was so fun to watch them following after the Mama duck and to feed them. We found a nest of ducklings right behind our back fence one year. We were so afraid that they would get mowed over that we roped off the area and put a sign out that said "Duck Habitat: Do Not Mow." It worked and they grew up to be very happy ducks!

I remember being snowed in and Kevin wanted to go sledding. The hill behind our house made for a very good sledding hill and he picked up so much speed that he zoomed right on to the ice-covered pond as I was frantically yelling "STOP!". Well, the ice broke. Kevin began sinking and Dixie tried to play rescue dog and took a little dip herself. It was quite a sight I'm sure. Have no fear, we all made it back safe and sound although two out of three of us were soaking wet. Brrr . . . 

I remember coming home from work and opening the garage only to find my husband sitting on a new motorcycle! I quickly responded "Well, I guess we better go get that red washer and dryer I've been wanting." I still love that washer and dryer even though some people think I got the bad end of that deal!

I remember learning how to make Christmas candy with Mamaw. That was such a fun day with Mom, Aunt Cindy, Alisha, Lacy and Tina. I'm determined to carry on the candy-making tradition.

I remember lots of laughter and some tears as well through the years, but mostly I just remember it as home. Comfortable, safe, perfect!

It's a great house and now it will belong to someone else, and I wouldn't have it any other way. God has truly blessed us and I am so thankful that he has given me a passion for "home." Home is very important to me and I look forward to many years of memories in the new home he has provided for us. However, I will always remember the years we spent and cherish the memories we made in the house on Snake Drive.

Braver, Stronger, Smarter

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!   (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

 

Today I found myself thinking of and praying for a very dear friend of mine. She recently called and asked me to pray for her and her family as they are facing some very trying and difficult situations. I jumped at the chance to pray for her and encourage her because, you see, she has done that for me so many times before. She has called me, prayed for me, listened to me, shared meals with me (and MANY Dr. Peppers!), and has basically been an incredible support for me.

As I was thinking of her I realized how God puts people in our lives exactly when we need them. I know . . . this isn't some earth-shattering new concept, but as I pondered this today I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude to God for caring so much for me that he knows just who to send my way to help me through every life situation. He also gives me ample opportunities to do the same for others. For me, this is an even bigger blessing.

You know, it occurred to me that I need to be really aware of how God might be using me in someone's life right now. Think of people that you know who may have never realized that they were who you needed at just the right time. Or maybe they had just the right words of advice or encouragement. GOD DOES THAT!

My heart is overwhelmed when I think of times that God has been able to use me. It's not always easy to know what to do or say in some situations, but I've learned that just being there, even in silence, can speak volumes. 

My husband has taught me a lot about showing compassion for people and not being afraid that you won't know what to do or say. In fact, when we were dating (well, barely dating . . . but who's keeping track!) my grandfather was suffering from Alzheimer's disease and it came to a point where we knew he would not live much longer. I requested prayer for our family in Sunday School and later that week my Papaw went home to be with Jesus. The morning after he died I called Kevin to tell him the news. When I told him what happened he didn't respond with, "Let me know if you need anything" or "I'll be praying for you." No. He asked me where I was (at my apartment) and told me he was on his way. He knocked on my door and when I opened it he just wrapped his arms around me and let me cry. Nothing else he could have said or done would have been any better. He basically spent the rest of the day taking care of me and letting me work through my grief. He brought me lunch and dinner and offered to drive me to meet my parents if I needed him to. THAT is when I knew that I was going to marry this man! It sounds funny, but it was so tangible to me at that moment.

God is so good and he knows our hearts and minds better than we do. He created us with thoughts and feelings and emotions. Laughter and joy and celebration are wonderful things, but we also go through the times of trial and tears and sadness. Thankfully, God's Word reminds us of this truth:

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Power is perfected in weakness? Wow! Only God could do that!

In my life, I have not had to face a multitude of trials and for that I am grateful. I know that is not the case for all of you who are (hopefully) reading this. I pray that Christ's power may be perfected in your weakness and that he will send you someone to help pick you up.

I found this Winnie the Pooh clip and thought it would be a nice way to end this post because "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Take Me Out to the Blog-Game!

I finally decided to give blogging a try. I have wanted to start a blog for a while but I think I was just waiting to see if I could come up with some fabulous "reason" for creating it.  My thought process went something like this . . .

I could do a blog about crafting. I love to stamp and make cards and quilt. My latest is furniture painting, but most of what I know about all of those things I got from someone else's blog. I would have a blog full of links to other blogs. I don't think that's what I am going for.

Strike 1!

I could write a blog about teaching. That's it!! I have a thousand funny teacher stories and lots of memories from my years in the music classroom. Plus, I could give expert teaching advice to all you other educators out there. And . . . PLEASE! Somebody stop me! Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I just don't want to spend my down time writing about it and frankly, I don't think there are that many people who want to read about it either!

Strike 2!

Okay, okay. WHAT am I going to write this blog about? What am I good at? What am I passionate about? What can I write more than one post about? And what am I going to call this blog anyway?

Should the name have to do with music? Crafts? Hobbies? Family? Faith?

I felt like I was standing at home plate and strike 3 was headed my way. Forget it! Obviously this blogging stuff isn't for me.

THEN . . . it hit me! (The idea, not the ball!) I spend so much of my professional life in preparation for something. Whether it's a lesson plan, a program, a concert, a choir musical, or any number of things, I feel like I am so often in "rehearsal mode" and when I reach the end of one thing I'm already preparing for the next.

So how does this affect my life on a more personal level? What does it mean to have "no time to rehearse?" And why am I going to write a blog about it?

All that time I spend in preparation and rehearsal gives me the opportunity to fix and adjust things about a performance before it is presented to an audience. I get to work out all of the little problems so that when it is performed it is as close to perfect as it can be. 

When I paralleled this with how I live my life I was struck with the fact that the only audience that should truly matter to me is an audience of One. The One who created me, loves me, and saved me. The One who gave me the gifts, talents and abilities that I am blessed with. The One who knows my thoughts and my heart better than I do.

Herein lies the idea that when I am learning to live my life for Jesus, my Savior, my audience of One, there is no time to rehearse and work out all the imperfections. There are no dress rehearsals or script changes. And the best part is . . . I'm NOT the director. I'm not in charge and I don't have to write the script, stage the choreography, create the costumes and pick out the songs. Nor do I have to make it perfect. I just have to follow the direction given by the Lord and know that "he who began a good work in me will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6)

That's it! No Time to Rehearse. That's what I want to blog about. I want to chronicle how I am learning to live each day, through my job, my hobbies, my relationships and life in general for an audience of One. I did say LEARNING! This is by no means a how-to manual on living a Christ-centered life. It's a process and there will be lots of mishaps along the way, but I am determined to do my best.

Baseball is a team sport and just like the players need each other in the game, we need one another as we go through life. So, I don't know if this blog will be a home run, but I pray that it is at least a base hit to help make part of your journey a little easier.