I Give Up!

God has really been working on me. It seems that I have a little power struggle going on and He is trying to show me that I don't need to take care of everything on my own. It seems like when things in my life start to pile up that's when I have the hardest time letting go. I readily admit to being the kind of person who will do things myself before letting someone else just so they get done the way I want them to. This characteristic isn't always beneficial when all these things I'm doing on my own start to fall apart.

Recently my stress level has been a bit on the high side and so I have really been playing tug of war with God. After all, these are my problems and my responsibilities so I will just take care of them myself! Right? Umm . . . NO! Why can't I just say, "Okay, I give up! You can have it. All of it and I don't want to be responsible for it anymore."

If you've been in my place, you understand the difficulty of letting go. It's hard and at times painful to trust that the Savior is going to do what is best for us. That sounds ridiculous because He is God and, of course, he's going to take care of us. But how many of us will hold on to something because it feels safer to hold on than to have the faith to let go?

In Matthew 14:26-27 the disciples were in their boat fighting some strong winds and rain when they see Jesus coming towards them, walking on water. The scripture says they were terrified and thought it was a ghost. Jesus says to them "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid."

Then Peter says to Jesus, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to you on the water." (vs. 28) Jesus did just as Peter requested and Peter began his trek across the stormy, wind-tossed water. He was actually walking on water! Wow! If only the story ended there. However, Peter lets fear take over and begins to sink. In his desperation he cries out, "Lord, save me!"

The passage concludes with, "Immediately, Jesus stretched out his hand and took hold of him, and said to him, 'You of little faith, why did you doubt?' When they got into the boat, the wind stopped. And those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'You are certainly God's Son.'" (vs. 31-33)

I see much of myself in the humanity of Peter. It's almost like I sometimes take my problems to Jesus and say, "If you are who you say you are then take all of these trials and struggles from me and show me how I'm supposed to survive this." It sounds really arrogant and I think sometimes that is how I approach my Savior. The crazy part is that Jesus does just what I request and gladly takes my trials and struggles and daily gives me the measure of grace to survive.

This is where my humanity really steps in, and like Peter I start to become distracted by the wind and waves that are surrounding me. My arrogance starts to falter and I begin to truly feel my weakness when I finally reach the point that I have to cry out, "Lord, save me." At this point Jesus takes my hand and says "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" When I hear him say this it is not in a voice of anger or condescension, but from a heart of love. Firm and gentle, yet powerful enough to calm the wind and waves that surround me. This is when I can truly worship and in my heart say to the Lord, "You are certainly God's Son."

The process of letting go and leaving things in the hands of the Lord is not easy and is often times a little painful. After all, having to humble ourselves is not something that comes naturally. Humility and brokenness, although difficult, can give us an unexplainable sense of peace and true freedom to worship the Son of God.

I know these things to be true because I reached that point of brokenness and humility just within the past few days. It wasn't without pain and the battle is certainly not over as I'm sure I will fight these winds and waves again. But my prayer is that the next time I find myself walking toward the Savior I will keep my focus on his outstretched hand and trust him to see me through the storm.

I want to share with you a song that is becoming very special to me. The lyrics are so powerful and remind me that there is no better place to be than in the arms of Jesus.

In Your Arms

By Meredith Andrews

I'm turning the world off

Embracing the silence

Walking away from all the voices

That are screaming in my ear

I've been too caught up

I've been so stressed out

All of the noise replaced the whisper

That used to be so clear

So I close every door

And put my face back on the floor

(Chorus)

And I'm in Your arms

Where I belong

There's no other place for me

Than right where you are

Some things just don't change

When I call Your name

You never hesitate to wrap me in endless grace

When I'm in Your arms

I'm letting my fears go

Giving You control

For you are the One who holds me closer

In my soul's darkest night

Everything I see

Is so temporary

So help me to run the race before me

With eternity in sight

So I close every door

And put my face back on the floor

(Chorus)

To sit at Your feet

At Your table of mercy

To gaze on Your beauty, my Lord

To drink from Your well

And be changed by Your glory

How could I ask for more

Jesus, how could I ask for more

(Chorus)